The first time I went to see a psychic was after a breakup. I had never gone before because, quite frankly, psychics scared me. I didn’t want to know my future; or, truthfully, I didn’t want to be told bad news or validate something I was worried about. Still, somehow, my friend dragged me out of my shell—and out of my apartment—to see a psychic.

Mopey and nervous, I walked in to see this psychic. Looking back, I am sure the psychic could read the expression on my face and see the red-rimmed eyes that concealer couldn’t mask. At the time, I was extra vulnerable. So when she told me that I never had stability in my love life, I was intrigued. When she told me I tend to fall fast, and then my love life comes crashing down, I was listening. When she told me that my recent love interest wasn’t supposed to end, I was at the edge of my seat.

When she told me that I had a dark and negative aura that was keeping me from everything I wanted in my life, I was shook. As a vulnerable woman coming off of heartbreak, the assertion that I had a “dark and negative aura” was the last thing I wanted to hear. Of course, she offered me a candle cleansing for $250 to remove the negative energy (aka baggage) I was apparently carrying around with me.

I started questioning everything. Who could sense this? Would I lose friends over this? What else was I going to lose? Would I ever find love? Mostly, what the hell was I supposed to do?

While the reading was awful and threw me down a rabbit hole filled with all my doubts and insecurities, I’m eternally grateful for it. This reading was the start of my spiritual journey.

I was clueless, but I was also officially curious. I declined the candle cleansing but started to do some exploring. I tried Reiki for the first time. I bought crystals (that I still have today). I started meditating. When I got curious about my healing, I got curious about the Universe. The rest? The rest is history.

Since then, I’ve done tarot readings with my intuitive friends, bought my own set of Goddess Oracle Cards, and went to see another psychic (all better experiences). All of these other times resonated with me profoundly, and I never heard about a dark aura ever again.

Every time I’ve gone since, my readings have helped me ask myself more in-depth questions, gain further self-awareness, and helped me get in touch myself on an intuitive level. When once I was lost, now I know how to navigate the winding paths of my life in a brighter mix of conventional and unconventional ways.

Still, as someone who was once terrified of going to psychics, I get it. I understand the stigma, and I wanted to help soften the experience for anyone curious. I share my negative experience first to be on a level playing field with anyone skeptical. I once was, too. Now, I've learned more about what to ask, avoid, and how to take in what you hear.

If this is a world you’d like to explore, here are all the things I wish I knew before.

What are good questions to ask a psychic?

Picking the questions to ask a psychic can be daunting if you’re not used to it. I got some fantastic advice from experts and intuitives who offer a path toward effective questioning.

It’s helpful to get to the truth of your intention for receiving the reading in the first place, so that instead of asking “will I ever find love?” you might choose to ask “how can I shift myself so that I am ready to receive love?”, said Dr. Kim Peirano, doctor of acupuncture and Chinese medicine.

“A reading always comes down to YOU, not the question, situation, or other people you’re inquiring about; it helps you gain clarity, insight, and knowledge that can confirm what you already know or help you see from a new vantage point.”

Another perspective comes from Dallisa Hocking, CEO of Spirit & Spark, who said, “It's extremely helpful to come to a session with three to five [questions to ask a psychic] in mind that you would like to explore. Great questions to ask a psychic include:

“Should I move?”

“Am I in the right relationship?”

“What should I do professionally?”

“Why am I feeling blocked in my life?”

“How do I make more money?”

Krysia Hepatica, intuitive self-love coach, suggests that you “try to keep the big picture in your head as explore your questions to ask a psychic. Try not to be hung up on one person or a specific outcome. Those limiting beliefs can block us from achieving our goals. We inherently already know what a psychic can tell us, and often they can receive messages of what we are blocking or don't understand.”

How do you answer a psychic’s questions?

“Intuitive readers and psychics are not there to give you all the answers; they’re here to help you find your true path again,” said Peirano. “By being open to looking at the information and questions we have, we are already opening the door to shift the outcome.”

A helpful tip from Adina Mahalli, certified mental health professional and spiritual coach, is to give “simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers where possible allowing both of you to help each other without you ending up leading the session or giving the psychic too much power.”

One of the most common things I heard when researching questions to ask a psychic was the importance of having an open mind. Sometimes we go into things with too many expectations and seeking a specific result.

For this reason, you’ll want to know the right questions to ask a psychic. But, keep in mind that a psychic might ask more questions because you might be asking things from a limited perspective (based on the assumption of what you think you need to hear). As long as you feel that your psychic is being authentic, it could be worth exploring a little deeper.

How do you keep a psychic from taking your power?

“You’re not giving away your power. You’re adding to it,” said Lumari, intuitive life coach and best-selling author. “You ask for guidance to ADD to your own decisions and life appreciation. You never have to do what your psychic says. Use it as more information, wisdom, and clarity to add to your life.”

To add to this, Hepatica asserted that “we are the only ones in charge and responsible for our spiritual development. An intuitive reader can provide information, but the work is still up to us.”

What if you don’t like a pyschic’s answers?

I genuinely hope that you don’t hear you have a dark and negative aura when you go in, but an open mind is everything when it comes to this.

Peirano suggests that you “take time to integrate and utilize the information from a reading before moving on to another one. If we aren’t getting the answers we want, pay close attention because if we are seeking out the truth, it’s not always going to look like how we fantasize it to be.”

Mahalli also recommends you “take every reading with a grain of salt. In the same way that you don’t always take your best friend's advice, even though they may know you best and have a more objective take on a given situation, you need to make decisions that resonate with you.”

How do you avoid dependency on psychic readings?

Okay, so decided on the best questions to ask a psychic for your needs, you got a reading, and now you’re hooked. To avoid this from happening, according to Hepatica, you need to do the work. “Your intuition is your inner guide, and getting comfortable listening to that voice is the most important thing you can do.”

Another way to avoid dependency? “Trust your gut before you trust your psychic,” said Mahalli. “If you depend on readings, you’ll end up blaming the psychic for any hiccups that will inevitably occur down the line. Life isn’t smooth sailing, and readings aren’t always accurate.”

I know, for me, readings have taught me to turn to my intuition to find answers. When I feel a need for answers, I either whip out my Goddess Oracle Cards and interpret them myself, or I’ll take out a journal and do a stream of consciousness writing exercise.

Many times, tapping into my intuition shows me a peek of what I was looking for but also uncovers something I was too distracted to see. We all have the answers to our biggest mysteries within us.

How do you choose a psychic?

First of all, don’t go to one on the side of the street as I did. I’d urge anyone curious to look up reviews or go by word of mouth.

According to Lumari, beyond knowing the right questions to ask a psychic, the most important thing is to “have a connection with the psychic you choose. Feel a resonance. Feel comfortable with the approach, the information, and your own choices.”

And one thing to not do? Don’t go in trying to test the psychic of your choice. If that’s the mindset you go in with, “you will likely walk away from the session feeling frustrated and unfulfilled,” said Hocking.

Maybe you’re not sold, and that’s okay. Psychics are not for everyone, and they’re certainly not for always.Maybe you’re curious, and that’s okay too. Keep pushing yourself to get an understanding of the unanswered questions in your life.Maybe you’re a regular, and that’s also okay. Perhaps something in this article made you want to approach your next session a little differently.Life is full of maybes, and that’s the point. Maybe this is why that thing happened to you, and maybe this is what will happen to you.Life happens between the maybes and between the what if’s. Let your intuition guide you, and the answers will always find you.