A Take On Toxic Relationships As the Outsider BFF
It is hard to watch your friends date people who have mistreated them. What is the correct protocol for adding your two cents anyway? Are we supposed to pretend they did not leave our BFFs for another person? Are hugs appropriate even though you loathe the so-called reformed cheat? There can be so much tension when an Ex slithers their way back into the picture, but there must be a way to keep it cool when they are around.
When someone has deeply hurt your bestie with their cruel words and selfish actions the situation can become even more complicated if they end up eventually reconciling. If you have already had the two-hour smack talk about what a P.O.S their Ex is it can get awkward when two weeks later they are posting obnoxious pics of them together with bunny ears on Snapchat.
Who can blame their closest friends for not liking the first few photos of them together, right? The severity of the offense should play a role in how much hate we boil up inside while our best friend goes on yet another tragic Fro-Yo date. From my experience, I have noticed that most of my friends' break-ups have had something to do with either another lover, mental/physical abuse or blatant under-appreciation. Even though it may be obvious to others that two people do not belong together, some just do not want to meddle in other people’s apparent, and probably delusional, happiness.
But really, who are we to say whether or our friends are happy with their partner or not? It is correct people have gotten over the pain of disloyalty. For example, a typical infraction is when someone’s partner catches them sexting other people. And maybe some victims can summon the strength to forgive those who have left them to peruse another relationship. While that amount of emotional stamina impresses me, I am not someone who could move past such betrayal. If I can be undoubtedly devoted to a relationship, then my partner must be able to do the same.
Relationships are hard work, but loving is so simple. As many have experienced,
falling in love happens much faster than falling out of love. I wish I could ask my friends why they subject themselves to the possibility of being deeply hurt again. Ideally, the questions to ask them would be:
A. Is love blind? Maybe some love, even if one-sided, may be powerful enough to keep the relationship moving forward, even if you are heading into a brick wall.
B. Is this happening again because they have dedicated so much time to the relationship and they would not know how to start again with someone new? Or maybe they just do not want to
put effort into starting over.
C. Are they suffering from low self-esteem? Maybe it is because our friends do not think anyone else will want to be with them because of how low their self-esteems are thanks to our selfie society and manipulative, controlling former partners.
Everyone’s story is different, and I am sure there are countless answers, but a trend among my friends is that they have all forgotten their worth. And by that I mean they forgot that they are FABULOUS specimens that deserve nothing but the absolute best. They forgot that they could be loved unconditionally without the intrusion of a third party. They forgot that they are stunning even though they do not look like the
photoshopped IG model’s that their partner follows. They forgot that it is not normal to always be concerned about whether or not their partner is talking to other people whenever they take their phones or laptops out.
There is someone out there who will give them the respect they deserve, but it is not our job to tell them who. So if they invite you out for pizza for the 4th time and
you’ve run out of excuses to say no, then maybe give them a chance before the claws come out.
We can always be there for our friends, and we can be real with them if things start to look bad. They won’t be mad at you for looking out for them, as Billy Joel accurately states, “honesty is such a lonely word.” It is a lot easier to see a problem from the outside, and that is why it is a friend’s duty to at least voice concern. It comes from our not-so-blind love of our BFFs. We want to protect our friends, and they should be able to accept our fears because if the tables were turned, we would hope our besties would do the same for us.