New beginnings are something I keep hearing but am not immediately seeing. My journey began in December when I attended my first Reiki appointment. At the end of the session, my healer handed me a book. She told me to meditate on the book and open to a random page and that the page I chose would give me a final message in order to guide me after the session. My healer told me to take my time and that it wasn’t possible to turn to the wrong page. Well, I took a deep breath, listened to my heart, and opened to a random page.

As it turns out, you can in fact open to the wrong page, sort of.

I ended up opening to the very first page of the book. The page read “new beginnings” with a short verse. My healer told me that the page was a sign that a new beginning was coming for me, but that was not the intended final message. I then turned to another page and read the words that were indeed meant for me, but within the context of a new beginning.

I took the Reiki experience to heart and was looking forward to the coming life changes. I understood that I had to make an effort to make change a reality in my life and spirituality was a vehicle I started to explore in order to do just that.

One day, an old colleague sent me an event happening in New York City that she thought I would like. The event was a meditation and wellness morning at an ethical clothing store in SoHo.

I signed up, brought my friends, and loved every second of the relaxing and healing experience. At the end of the event, we stood in line to get a one-card tarot reading. I had only had one tarot reading in the past and it was not a good experience. Nonetheless, I was feeling open and searching for answers so I anxiously remained in line.

Once my turn came, I felt the energy in the cards and was nervous about what I was going to discover. Finally, I selected a card known as The Fool which - literally - represents new beginnings.

I told the tarot reader that I had a similar reading months before but the new beginnings I was hoping for hadn't transpired yet. The tarot reader told me that this was likely meant as a reminder to stay on my path. More specifically, she told me to be aware of how I get to where I’m going. If you notice (in the card) the jester is staring up into the clouds and oblivious to the edge of the cliff.

Because the card also represented innocence, it served as a warning to be wise in my decisions and avoid being naive in my choices. It seemed that new beginnings were still meant for me.

Again, I felt inspired and hopeful for this revelation that reappeared in a total happenstance way. I believed in it but knew something was missing - perhaps it was the belief in myself.

Life went on and I was getting frustrated because I wasn’t seeing the particular changes I was hoping for. I faced more hurdles and stresses. I was letting myself fall off of a cliff.

It just so happened that I saw an old roommate from Brooklyn offering free tarot readings as she got her business up and running. I jumped at the opportunity to find more answers.

We did a thirty-minute virtual reading. Even though the reading was virtual, it felt very fluid and organic. I asked my old roommate a series of three questions and listened intently to the messages in the cards she was pulling.

For my third question, I asked about my love life and almost all of my cards were turned upside down. Within that particular spread, there it was again… new beginnings.

Her interpretation was that there were indeed new beginnings coming to me, but I had some work to do within myself to make it happen. Something was blocking me from moving forward.

Whether the block was confidence, negative self-talk, or simply more time devoted to self-care, this new beginning was under my control. I was the only thing preventing the beginning from transpiring.

At this point, I felt the universe was beating me down with this message without further clarity on how to reach it. Again and again, I felt as if I was ready for new beginnings… I just didn’t know how to begin.

It was crunch time and change was necessary. So I became a little selfish… in a good way. I started making decisions that were best for me. I started trusting my intuition and being mindful of how my choices would affect others areas of my life.

I was kinder to myself. I exercised more, started cooking more, made the time to meditate, and prioritized things that made me happy. Life’s daily hurdles were still coming and my confidence would fluctuate like a rolling tide.

Today, I still have yet to see this new beginning actualize, but I am confidently working on it. Through this experience, I learned that the universe can only guide, push, and remind us so much. At the end of the day, your fate is up to you.

Sometimes we don’t realize that we have the answers were looking for within us. We can seek answers from other sources, watch life repeat itself, and keep going; or we can make the conscious decision to turn.

I can feel this new beginning in the bottom of my heart. I know self-discovery, patience, and self-love will help get me there. So, I’ve heard the message, and now I understand that it’s telling me to stop seeking… and to listen to my own heart.